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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25352911">thoughts</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovejinson/pseuds/lovejinson'>lovejinson</a>, <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/wxnuwu/pseuds/wxnuwu'>wxnuwu</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>GOT7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>2jae is a married couple, M/M, attempt on being funny, i have weird preferences, pepigyeom is struggling, smoking &amp; drinking, some deep thoughts at a bonefire, some topics might be triggering?, this is good shit i just suck at tagging, yugbeom are best friends here</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 07:33:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,284</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25352911</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovejinson/pseuds/lovejinson, https://archiveofourown.org/users/wxnuwu/pseuds/wxnuwu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“do you think there is an afterlife?” </p><p>or yugbeom sharing their late night thoughts and worries.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Youngjae/Im Jaebum | JB, Kim Yugyeom/Park Jinyoung</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>thoughts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“do you think there is an afterlife?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>jaebeom put down his bottle filled with the alcoholic liquor. “what?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>it stayed quiet for a moment. “how on earth did you come up with that now?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>the younger giggled. “i don’t know, just— i've been thinking alot lately. just wondering i guess? jinyoung and i— we don't talk about this kind of things.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>jaebeom nod, understanding. he could relate, his best friend was the one he would tell all his thoughts and secrets to after all, even though he has been in a relationship too for — how long has it been? was it five years ago? — anyways. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>the two of them shared a lot more on a very deep connection, something their boyfriends would never reach but it was okay. they were their boyfriends after all.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>so the bone fire was kinda loud that night, it was late, maybe around half past two, the sun would rise in about two or three hours again. the lake they were sitting just a few feet from didn't move much, the water being quiet and calm.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“mmh, i think there is life afterwards. i even think of several. but nobody knows what life you are in right now. maybe i've lived in the joseon dynasty before. maybe this is my first life. you never know,” the older male replied after taking another sip and staring at the pitch-black lake, “how do you think about it?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>yugyeom sighed, looking at jaebeom for a few moments before speaking again. “i agree. i also think that there is karma. depending on what kind of person you were, you know, your life turns out good or bad and stuff.” he took another sip from his beer. “right now i think i must have been a terrible human being in my past life.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“why do you think that?” asked jaebeom in surprise and turned a little more towards the younger one. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>he was surprised to hear something from the usually cheerful, cranked up boy. “did something happen? were you a naughty boy?” he asked rather jokingly rather than serious, hoping to cheer up his younger friend. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>but he just let out another deep sigh. “it's just the overall situation. jinyoung and i are having a hard time. work is shit too, my parents keep pressuring me, i just— it sucks, hyung. and then—” he cuts himself short, shaking his head before sipping on his bottle and munching on some marshmallow they kept aside. “i'm just tired, you know?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“wait, what and then? i didn't know you had such thoughts in your head…” jaebeom looked at the taller boy with sad eyes, being taken aback by how similar the who of them were since he could relate to every single word he said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>life could be real shitty for everyone, even for those who look happy all the time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“there's this mean thing someone at dance school said. about how— ugh, it's so dumb i shouldn't be worrying but they, they said mean stuff about my body and the way i look and, i don't know why it keeps bothering me. jinyoung wouldn't understand, you know, i love him but he doesn't deal with stuff like that. he's so— so fucking close to the ground, he knows what he wants, i'm so lost right now and... i just want this to stop.” his head fell against jaebeom's shoulder, his sighs so loud, almost a whine.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>jaebeom patted his head a few times soothingly, trying to calm yugyeom as he carefully said: “you shouldn't listen to people like that. i know it's hard to just ignore something like that but i personally think that those who feel like they have to insult others to feel better definitely are the one’s having a problem. these people are not happy with themselves and therefore they have to attack others.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>his voice was calm, gentle and even though yugyeom knew all of this himself, the words gave him a little relief, a little confidence, a little strength. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>it was then when jaebeom wrapped his arm slightly around the younger, leaning his head against the others. “i mean, i can't relate, you know, but i’ve been knowing jinyoung for like all my life, i think he would understand. you should talk to him about this. it's not like he's gonna throw his shoes at you, is it?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>yugyeom giggled, his eyes feeling teary and hot — please don't cry, he begged himself, not right now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“you should know him better than that, hyung.” both laughed at that before parting again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“i know him. he wouldn't throw a shoe at you. definitely… it would be a book.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>again they laughed out loud before yugyeom hit his hyung on his chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“okay, but seriously… you should trust him more. he loves you and wants to do everything for you to be happy,” he continued and rubbed over the spot the younger one hit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“i know he does. that's not it. he's just so— against all those thoughts. i tried to talk to him about my parents, you know, about the issue of '</span>
  <em>
    <span>grow up already and find a pretty wife. stop messing around</span>
  </em>
  <span>'? and he just, i don't know he said stuff like ‘you think they are right’ or if i consider leaving him now and it's just adding to it because — no i do not. i love him.” he fiddled with his fingers, munching on his lip nervously. “he appears to get so mad—” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"you know, i promised him to prevent you from smoking again— and i promised youngjae to prevent myself from smoking too but, how about we fuck that for tonight and just, you know, relax?" </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>and yugyeom nodded. that sounded good. great even. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“you know...maybe he‘s just afraid of the whole situation too?” jaebeom said while he took out the cigarettes and gave one to the ash brown haired. “your parents still think you're gonna marry a woman. a woman, gyeom. jinyoung isn't really who your parents think you’ll have a future with. he's afraid too, that they won’t like him and that they want you guys to break up. but i told both of you already. it’s not important what they think about you. you should love who you want.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>on the outside he was calm but on the inside, he screamed like hell. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>it's unbelievable that they still had to explain every feeling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>even he and youngjae had have trouble telling their parents about their relationship and hell, they haven’t been happy about it first but they learned to live with the situation and by now they accept them as if they were a straight couple. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>which should be normal, every couple should be accepted, no matter if straigh gay or whatever. but some people just aren't ready for such thoughts.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>people were troublesome. all in all, terrible. so mean and never satisfied. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“what's next? will you be acting as a woman? is this family a joke to you? are you not taking us seriously?” they had screamed at him but fuck them, yugyeom had said, he loved jinyoung and it wasn't just a phase or some premature thinking. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>fuck adults, fuck them thinking he wasn't an adult with his 21 years of living. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“i know.” he lit the cigarette and took a deep breath before handing it to jaebeom. “i still wish i had your balls and just invite them to the wedding. maybe they would get it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“i swear i didn't have the balls for it. i shitted my pants when i asked them!” he replied fast and looked at yugyeom with small eyes, “if youngjae wouldn’t have been with me i would have screwed it up, seriously.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>he remembered the day like it was yesterday and an icy shiver went down his spine. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>all of their friends thought he was the bad body, the strong one but oh well they were wrong. youngjae had definitely more balls than jaebeom.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>yugyeom chuckled. “i wanted to propose to him, you know, but after all those fights i was... worried he'd say no,” yugyeom confessed a bit shy, looking at him before getting the cigarette back to hand, “i couldn't take that right now.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“are you kidding me?! he never would say no!” shooked, he looked at him with narrow eyes, which made yugyeom regret his words immediately.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“youre right— i'm just. you said he's as unsure about the situation as i am. what if it's too early? not the right moment? too much? anything really…” he kept on rambling.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“you will never know if it’s the right moment or not. that's life. you can do all the right things and still it's not enough… but maybe there is a reason for life being just like that,” he took a deep pull from the cigarette, hold the toxic smoke in his lungs before he blows it out. his glare got sadder, his eyes so terribly heavy so he closed them for a moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“did you know? when to ask youngjae hyung?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>but jaebeom shook his head. “he asked, he was so pissed at me being such a crybaby—” the older laughed a bit, “it was adorable. it was a great night to say the least—” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“ew hyung please... no details.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“don‘t worry, don't worry no details... i’m sure you would tell youngjae everything and then i’d be fucked because he doesn't like it when i tell others how adorable he is in be—” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“hyung!?” yugyeom yelled at him, before he laughed, loud, happy, even though he was a little bit disgusted by his comment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“i said no fucking details! you don't want to hear my late night stories about jinyoung either so—” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“who said i do not?” he gave him a wink before crackling up in another laugh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“oh my— what the fuck, hyung? are you drunk already?” the younger exclaimed and hit the other multiple times, “can't believe you're like that. i hate you… you're not help at all!” he was sulking, his arms crossed in his chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“then tell me how i can help you.” jaebeom’s intention seems to suddenly change, his voice got deeper, lower and the younger looked at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>his eyes met jaebeom’s, he looked deep into his soul as he raised his voice again: “should i really ask him?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“i can't answer this question. it's your decision. but i can honestly say that i know he won’t hate you... even if he’d say no. which is possible. not because he doesn't love you but because it's too early for him. but if you don't ask him you will never know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“he seems so terribly mature and just— he always knows what he wants and what he doesn’t wants. i don't. seriously i have no clue. its like— i don't even know if i still wanna be in seoul in five years and he plans a family and, and a house and his career. i'm afraid we won't work out,” the younger bursted out once more. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>he knows that he's young and that was jinyoung's strongest argument in every fight. about how young he was, how he still kept holding onto his teeny days— that wasn't a bad thing though, was it? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“you're overreacting. its marriage not prison. youngjae and i aren't agreeing on everything either. are we happy? yes we are. the sex proves it—”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“hyung!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“okay, okay, i’ll stop,” he smiled and rubbed the younger back to comfort him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>he knows all the bad ways jinyoung could act but he knows as well that he is ready for it. for the marriage. for yugyeom. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“just do it, okay? i mean you can always put the word ‘if’ before a sentence but your life will never take on another perspective, you know.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>the cigarette in his other hand just glowed a last time before a small, long smoke line reached up to the sky. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“don't be afraid or else i will tell you for a lifetime that you are a bigger pussy than me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“no one is a bigger pussy than my favourite jaebeommie hyung,” yugyeom blurted out, sneaking the cigarette from his hand before taking a last pull and throwing it into one of the empty cans. “ill ask him, okay? but if he breaks my heart and tells me to fuck off—” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“which is unlikely.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“i will tell youngjae hyung what bad things you've been doing.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>jaebeom rolls his eyes. “i hate you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“oh, do you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>the older threw his arm around yugyeom's shoulders, having him in a headlock and ruffling through his soft strands of hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“indeed.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>both laughed, looked each other into their eyes before the younger wrapped his arm around his hyung and hugged him tightly. he immediately returned his hug, a satisfied smile forming on his lips, knowing that he really had calmed him down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>sometimes it didn't have to be serious words to calm someone down. sometimes it was enough to just listen and take away the fear. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>no one knew better than jaebeom how quickly thoughts can eat one up, and that's why he helped the youngest as often as he could.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“better now?” he asked after a period of silence, having yugyeom nodding slightly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“a lot better, yes.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>joking was like the best way to lift his fear, he didn't know why but having something to laugh about, trying to see the bad ways in a funny manner even, it made him panic a lot less. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>and in the end everything would turn out to be fine anyways. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>that's how life was. unpredictable. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>maybe it was like a book, already finished and you're just following it as it goes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>who knew. </span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
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